My Theory Of Age Phases

While studying child development and psychology, I've come across many different scales and models about growth and maturity "phases" . For example, a toddler's "oral" stage, when everything goes into their mouths. Throughout my experiences with children , in child care, with my friends and their children, and yes, my own children, I have developed my own Growth Scale. I believe every person on the planet will be able to relate ,even to themselves.

Lets begin with the infant. The infant is adorable, innocent,helpless ... It is the object of unconditional love, the promise of a wonderful future.

The toddler years - Tots are the best. Call me biased, I love them.From one year to 3, these are the most amusing, confusing, discovering and learning creatures ! They are learning how to operate their bodies, they are absorbing everything the see,hear and touch, often relating it back in the most baffling ways. The world is a new ,wonderous, place for them. They approach everything eagerly, with little or no fear. They look to parents to guide them, to show them, absolutely everything there is . They are considered very helpful, because they love to imitate, dishes, laundry, sweeping... awww.

Preschool years ... these are the 4's, 5's and 6's. This bunch is getting a whiff of reality. They are learning they have to be responsible. Getting dressed, tying shoes, school , homework, chores. It's wonderful to watch a child tie their shoes for the first time. It's a proud moment for everyone! The milestones continue to be checked off- and the child learns to manipulate their way out of doing tasks. the parents and teachers correct them, teach them responsibility and " it has to be done " . These little people are declaring Independence, yet still want the security of having it "done for them" . They don't want to put their clothes away, because the tree house has to be built. . . Now. they don't have time for things like chores.

6 to 10 years. . . These are the personalized years. They fine -tune their characters, often mimic newly made best friends, try out some sayings or jokes they may see on TV. . most are starting to be a bit hormonal, again, they are learning about their bodies.They go to sleepovers and birthday parties galore. . . The parent becomes more of a driving , money growing , rule making , sidekick. These kids are one step away from believing they are ready for anything.

By 10 years old, many are convinced they 'know it all'. Everything any adult says has to be proven or justified, and pure reasoning will be fought tooth and nail.

This is where the my scale goes into chaos. As a parent, you have guided this beautiful infant through wonderful growth, challenging at times, full of love and understanding. You have taught the child daily, and they've become a great person,helpful and loving, thoughtful and eager to know more...

at 11 years of age, all of that goes away for a bit. You see more laziness, more manipulating, attempts to "lie out of trouble" . All of the daily common sense seems to vanish. All of a sudden they don't understand why they have to brush their teeth, or make beds.Why dress warm when its cold out? They want to flat out fight about it, all of it. And parent, you get to be the bad guy now. You're "making them" be defiant by asking them to do it. You're mean and unreasonable when you ground them for not doing homework or chores.

This stage advances, very quickly, until the end of high school. yes, It starts at 11 years old, and goes on until age 18. ( and beyond, but that's next) I call it the 11- 18 year old's brain death. You find yourself repeating things like " you know better" , " WHY on earth.. ? !" and the mother of all ... "WHAT were you thinking ?!" They aren't. They are just going with the flow.

I swear to you folks, I have seen it over and over. The honor student that suddenly skips school, the clean freak is suddenly a slob, Mz.manners becomes someone you'd throw out of a restaurant. WORK becomes a four letter word. You say "work" around these guys, you won't see them for hours. suddenly they have so much homework to do ! ( which for some reason doesn't get done either)

In the later years of this "phase" they want to know why they have to bathe, wear clean clothes, and at times can be VERY difficult to sit near. There is no limit on food , it magically appears specifically for them to eat.

I promise you this is not a vent. This is what I've seen. I remember doing these things , myself, as well. I bet you do too ! I've done it, my kids have and ARE doing it ( with one at 19 years, and one very close to 10, the theory is well tested. one more to go) My friend's kids, cousins... Look around, you'll see it too.

from 18, sorry, but we still have "brain dysfunction". its as if high school induces one form of "duh" and being released into the world induces another form. THESE, from 18 to 25 are the "stupid reckless" years. long term dating , which brings up its own issues, along with co-habitating outside of the nest. Having jobs, which is the ultimate torture, but the money's great, until they realize they have to use it for bills, instead of that party Friday night. Many go to college, and integrate classes and study into the equation. Life is chaos , and confusion while they figure out who they really want to be and do with their lives. Reality check payment overdue.


Relief ! At around 25, these people have settled down. They have learned responsibility is the way to keep that job to pay the bills. They have learned they can even go to that Friday night party if they give up the coffee stops for a week. They'd rather own a house than rent an apartment , Have something nice to show for all their work. They start dating seriously, looking for a future spouse.

By 30 many have found it, possibly have given you a grandchild to spoil rotten. With that first child the brain cells rejuvenate. when that grandchild appears, You get to laugh. Because your child is now calling you , " I should have listened" , "you did tell me about that didn't you" , and my personal favorite, the one I will die happy hearing : " my kid is doing THIS! I can't believe it Mom! he/she KNOWS better!! won't hear a word I say ! its like he/she is brain dead !" ( let me assure you, that in proving this theory, My own mother, AND grandmother, have been tickled silly with my calls to them, crying and begging them to "please lift the mother's curse" - to be told "the chain cannot be broken" as if they are mountaintop mystics... oh yeah, they're adorable. )

yes. Grandchildren are a parent's reward for not killing their own children. yet, as a pal of mine says " it is understandable why tigers eat their young." Also, I hope you all take a good look, at the children around you, keep watching, you'll see it. And understand why I call my home the Nuthouse. Going insane once in a while makes the process a little more bearable !!