bats in the belfry?

noooo, not quite.

My daughter wrote a letter to mail today,

and I sent her to the mailbox to put it in and raise the flag.

all by herself.

this may not seem a big feat for an 8 year old,

but keep in mind, I live in the 'woods', our mailbox isn't exactly 4 feet from the door.

Its more like 50 - 60 yards.

also, keep in mind said daughter is deathly terrified of buzzing bugs,

bees, wasps, hornets, which often take up residence in our mailbox.

the sight of a buzzing bug will send her screaming like her hair is on fire.

So, off she goes to the mailbox.

I stand in the driveway near the house, and watch.

She opens the door from underneath, very cautiously,

so if there IS a buzzing bug in there it won't fly at her face.

smart kiddo.

she pulls the door down, and slowly peeks up into the box.

and SCREAMS bloody murder, and comes running, faster than I've ever seen her move!

MAMAAAAA!! theres a GREAT BIG HAIRY BEE in there!!!

what?!

oh really. fine, give me the letter, i'll take it.

I go up the driveway and look, expecting to see a wasp nest or carpenter bee.

no.

there are two BATS, in the mailbox.

I can see, why, at a fast, pre-panicked ,glance, these looked like big hairy bees.

Yup. there are bats in my mailbox. two of them.

I think either the light, or perhaps the ear -shattering pitch of my daughter's screams scared them silly. The one in the front was just shaking away. I felt sorry for it. After all, they rely on their hearing, high pitched sounds they make themselves. My daughter must have deafened them.

So, now the question of "what do we do now?" comes up.

Daughter wants to mail her letter.

I am NOT messing with the bats.

I called husband, who said he would take care of it when he gets home, just slide the letter in next to them.

um no thanks.

I think we'll be taking it to the post office.

Bats in the mailbox.

THERE'S something you don't see every day.

some more insanity

what fun is being openly crazy if you don't drag others in?

we do have our public moments.

Because kids are kids, they always ask, "can i have ..." and "will you buy me that?"

they ALL do it. and of course we all know about the tantrums that follow when the answer is no.

my husband and I have 'cured' our children of this childhood disease.

when we go on day-long shopping trips, be it to the food stores or for clothing, or even just to wander aimlessly in the mall, just to be out of the house, we turn the tables.

WE ask the kids "buy me that?" and they will give us the 'are you mad?" look.

we ask again "buy me SOMETHING!!!"

mama i don't have money to buy you something.

"GET ME THAAAAT"

moo-oom, stop it.

"noo! you said you'd buy me SOMETHING!!"

um.... no?

and we will proceed to throw our tantrums.

"you NEVER buy me stuff, I always have to pay for your stuff, how come YOU never buy ME something huh?! " whaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

one or the other of them will eventually say something to make us stop. funnily enough, its usually something WE say to make THEM stop.

"maybe for your birthday"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

the food store can be just as much fun.

we humiliate each other.

hubby has an awful habit of buying HUGE packages of meat- ALL meats.

he is truly a meat junkie.

i will warn him, as i do the children ,before we go into the store-

our budget is only so big, we are NOT getting only meat!

he usually wanders off, pouting, with children in tow, to allow me to do normal shopping.

occassionally when i finish and ready to go to checkout, i'll go find him.

at the meat counters.

with a cart.

overfilled with only bulk packages of meat!

when i tell him "put that BACK! you lunatic! "

he throws his "buy me this" tantrum as I put it all back.

the children of course, find this hysterical.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When out and about with only one child (which is rare for me)

we will walk holding hands.

at the food store or even the school, i will shake my arm,

trying to get my hand free of the child,

and say loudly

"hey kid! let go of me! where's your mama? hey! is this yours? did you loose this?"

the child clings for dear life, and tells me, moo-oom, i'm YOURS!

the looks we get are humorously priceless, but in a scary way,

i'm waiting for someone to actually try to claim the child.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

and my husband, has "the gimp"

this is not his attack on anyone disabled in any way-

other than myself.

anyone who knows me, knows i have leg problems, which cause me a decent amount of pain. I tend to walk slowly and pace myself if we are on a full day adventure. which leaves me in the rear of our little group, and as the day goes on, the limp becomes more obvious.

"the gimp" appears everywhere. it doesn't have to be a full day event.

anywhere across a parking lot, the fleamarket, the food store, and, much to my horror, occasionally when out for dinner.

"the gimp" is something of an Igor imitation.

he will drag one leg, and hop on the other, hunch his back up, and call for me.

"maaaaaaamaaaaa! don' leeeeave meeeee! waaait for meeeee! you always leeave meee!"

again, my kids find this so funny THEY began doing it at one point.

which was when he stopped for a while.

(God forbid they display this at school or something. i dread having to explain this)

at this point in time, "the gimp" is reserved for the rare dates we go off on our own,

and he'll use it when i'm showing my limp a bit.

(he walks fast, so his story is that if he uses "the gimp" he can go MY speed.)

yeah. he's mine. i love him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

aaand back to the food store..(probably because this is where we go most often?)

this is one i reserve for visitors. (or when we visit others)

i get in front of the person i'm with, and walk ever so casually,

browsing and looking.

when i come across something that won't break-

say for instance, a box of stuffing-

i will knock several off the shelf.

by the time the boxes hit the floor, the person i'm with is usually next to said items.

i'll ask them loudly (haha of course)

"WHAT did you DO? LOOK at that mess! you aren't going to LEAVE it are you?!"

nine out of ten times, said person will actually pick the items up, and make some kind of apology to fellow shoppers. "wow i'm a clutz today"

a neighbor of mine is particularly fun with this little gag- she uses one of the "scooters" for handicapped folks. there are days though, that i have nothing to do with what comes off the shelves. more often than not, i do.

in front of her, i will knock things off the shelves at the scooters basket height-

then turn around as she gets to them and say "jeez, can't you control that thing?"

and she too, will pick up the items! (she can walk, just not for very long, hence the scooter)

if i do this to her too often -

(i usually take her to the store with me because she doesn't drive)

she will resort to pushing a cart for a few weeks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My darling daughter took up mewling like a kitten

at a time when we had an overabundance of them.(thats another entry!)

it would freak me out so badly, as i'd think it was actually one of the kittens , possibly stuck somewhere.

she mastered this sound to an amazing degree.

after the swarm of kittens had gone from our asylum,

she continued the sound.

not so terrible now, because i know there are no kittens stuck behind the dryer.

BUT, when we are sitting in a resturant, enjoying our meal,

hubby and i chatting, the kids eating and behaving-

there's a kitten sound.

she usually waits for the waitress to ask if "everything's ok?"

so of course the waitress hears it too.

we've been told several times that pets, even tiny kittens, are not allowed in the resurant, and we'll have to take it out immediatly.

it takes a bit of blushing and explaining before we have to get daughter to obviously make the sound again, so we can finish our meals and not be banned from the establishment.

yea. apparently we're training them right.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

there are more tales of crazy, i assure you, and i will share them as time goes by.

these are just the beginning.

a taste of what you're getting into by entering our nut house.

by all means, if you have your own crazy tales of dragging others into your silly bubble,

leave a comment, share it with us!

(after all, its no fun being the only crazies!)

a few fish stories

An easy, yet amusing start for your first peek into our little asylum.

Recently I took my children on a road trip, to visit their grandparents.We were gone roughly 3 weeks, in which my husband stayed home for work, and to care for the animals.

The first time we called to check on the critters, he was freaked out about daughter's betta fish. The directions were very simple : the betta gets two food pellets every other day.

Husband was freaking becasue he had accidently given the betta FIVE pellets. the pellets are small, and you have to push your finger into the cup to get them. the pellets stick to your finger and you push off the extras. Half awake, he had put five pellets into the tank, which betta ate very happily. That night he had checked and the poor thing was lethargic- just slowly hanging around at the top of the water.

oh boy. so daughter and I both gave him the same directions- do NOT feed the fish again for two days.

thankfully, the fish turned out ok.

Several days later, Husband called me, and said "there's something wrong with the frog."

oh no... what's it doing?

"well, I was sitting here watching it, and it went to the top a few times, really fast, I think it was gulping air bubbles, but the last time it did this, it just froze at the top, and sank back down- its laying on its back on the bottom."

well, I couldn't help but laugh, and of course he became upset with me, he's thinking somehow, after the close call with the betta ,he's managed to actually kill the frog. The idea of explaining the dead water creatures to his children was not a good one. He certainly didn't appreciate me laughing at him.

I was laughing though, because this odd behavior is normal for the frogs. It scared me silly the first time I saw it myself. Like he said, they don't move around very much, and spend most of the time in hiding.But there are occassions when they look as if they'd gone crazy,going to the top then down again over and over as fast as they can, then sinking like rocks. (until they release all the air they'd gulped. )

I explained to husband this is normal, calm down. Even laying there "belly up" is fine, just wait a few minutes and they'll burp up the bubble. He kept me on the phone until it did. And when it did, it went happily back to its hidey hole. "well, there he goes. Why don't we have NORMAL animals like everyone else?? " well honey, because we're US, and it wouldn't be normal for US to have normal pets, now would it? Insanity seems to be contagious.

Yet another frog story, since we're at it here.

My son takes great pride in caring for his tank. It is a big large for him to clean though, so I get the pleasure. we've told him that if he does well, we'd get him an algae eater- the fish that suction to the sides of the tank, and suck all the grime.

when we had returned home, I had cleaned both tanks. One of the requirements for an algae eating fish, is, of course, to have an algae buildup in the tank. Mama wasn't thinking of this when the tanks were cleaned.

last week I noticed a funky looking patch of white blobs floating on the surface. Oh boy! a nursery! is it the frogs, or the tetras? most likely the frogs.

off we go to the pet store, a handy picture of said blobs in my phone. its confirmed that we have a frog nursery. we buy the seperating net for keeping the fish from eating the eggs, and go to look at the "suckerfish" .

Son has been VERY diligent about his fish, as I mentioned, and has noticed that each time we get new fish, I ask about the compatibility of the breeds, the temperatures and foods. We allowed him to inquire about the 'suckerfish' . The man told him which kind would be best for his tank.

son's inquiries continued-

will the water be warm enough?

what does it eat?

and the big laugh- "will it suck my other fish?"

The mans eye's went huge, as he wasn't sure exactly how to answer the question to a 5 year old without being overly "naughty". so he simply said, " um no, son, it won't suck anything but algae. It probably won't even suck the eggs."

Husband and I had to wander a bit to keep from exploding our laughter.

much to his dismay, we did not buy the 'suckerfish', becasue I had cleaned the tank, the poor thing would have starved. so we'll give it a few weeks and see if we can find a 'normal' algae eater.

Welcome to the Nut House.

This is stated on a wooden plaque outside my front door.

There is no statement more true about the place either!

There is always something crazy happening, be it during the regular daily rituals, or some spontaneous crazy idea we came up with for amusement.

A little insight for you readers out there, the residents of my home consist of :

myself : a stay at home mom, trying to start a business in child care consulting.

my husband : a workaholic by nature, also starting his own business in plumbing and repairs.

my daughter : an 8 year old , who seems to really be around 13 or 14, if you judge by drama, but truly a sweet and caring ,very creative, and imaginative child.

my son : he's 5 1/2 years old, and he's the house 'eccentric'. He has many quirks which make him who he is, a charming ,helpful , funny lil man.

(i also have a stepson, almost 18, who lives with his mother)

the pets : I must include the pets, as they are a huge part of our amusement, and have their own personalities, which add so much to the naming of the nut house itself.

the dog , we've had a bit over 4 years, talks and whines at me like the kids do at times. he is ,essentially, one of the children.

the cat : yet another 'child' , though he's a bit more independant, as cats are. he comes and goes as he pleases, and provides us with more amusement.

the fish: daughter has a betta fish, which tends to be a bit creepy as he will follow ANY and ALL movement he can see. I call him the stalker- she calls him 'red'.

we also have a family tank for son, he has a collection of 5 neon tetras, and two water frogs. again, you wouldn't think it possible for fish and frogs to provide overly amusing tales, but they do. apparently we picked the winners.

We have alot of family and friends, who also add their own craziness to our lives. Don't worry guys, I won't be naming anyone directly, but you know who you are!

So, why have I decided to pick up a new hobby in blogland?

I've always loved to write, and what better to write about than real-life experiences? My family and friends love the somewhat exaggerated and creative ways I explain happenings to them, so why not share? Some posts will be daily events, and others may be random rambling from here and there. I do warn you readers though, I have a history of writing mini-books!

I hope you enjoy my little piece of the web, and find as much amusement in the nut house as we do. please feel free to leave comments, all I ask is that you keep it respectable!