Since I've become a housewife and mother, I've come across the discovery that many wives and mothers find great joy and excitement form a new appliance. Before I had children, this was a true mystery to me. I'd ask my friends, "how can you possibly be happy that your husband got you a vacuum for your birthday?!" it just seems wrong.
Now of course, I share this odd pleasure in new appliances and gadgets made to make my life even just the slightest bit easier. I squeal when we get new faucets, like a tot with a first bike. I even ASKED for a vacuum for my birthday. and, when I was taken to choose it in the store, was thrilled silly.
Husband is a plumber- He works with all kinds of people, and more often than not, comes home with 'gratuity gifts'. Many people will give him bags loaded with fruit or vegetables from their gardens, (we currently have ALOT of apples) . He has a customer that keeps us well in fresh maple syrup. among those treasures, there are some that make me ask if these were the leftovers from the most recent yard sale. some of it is just weird.
Last night , I was in the act of multi-tasking between my daughter's homework, my son's flawless ability to fight with me over putting his laundry away, doing my own paperwork, and also frantically reminding myself that it was past time to start dinner.
I was a little crazy busy.
So when my phone rang, it was really tempting to ignore it. Husband name showed in the ID, ignore not an option. As soon as I answer it, I hear him, sounding as frantic as I was feeling , "empty the fridge and freezer NOW, quick quick hurry I'm on my way and it has to be done now. "
'What are you talking about?
"just do it, get a kid to help and do it quickly please"
um...
okay.
I relieve my son of his laundry duty and enlist him to make a food pile. I take it out, he finds a place to put it. this in itself was amusing. Jar of pickles, on the table. Jug of milk on the floor. eggs on the stool, condiments under the table. one thing was placed in every corner, shadow, nook and cranny of the kitchen. somehow sour cream made it into our food shelves. but, it was out, and it was quick.
Husband arrives and rushes into the house, grabs the refrigerator, and pulls it out into the middle of the floor. Son and I get the hell out of his way, though we are certainly curious as to what is going on.Husband has , in his insistence of rushing, given us the impression that if he doesn't get the fridge out NOW, it will explode or something, ,and we don't want to miss that either!
He pulls a tape measure out of thin air, and starts sizing up the space. "uh...ok, hang on." talking to himself is not a good sign.
A pal appears with another tape measure , and a power saw. Son gets a bit excited now- tools are awsome, but this one looks loud. behind him is his grand daughter, and the children run off to play, the saw temporarily forgotten.
It turns out the nook for the old fridge is just an inch too small for the new one.
new one?? hey now, wait a second....
no time, we have it under control.
They 'shaved' the cabinets with the saw. I am now torn between the great pleasure of a new fridge, and the horror of wood dust I will be subjected to once this tornado is through. While this emotional turmoil is running through me, the saw keeps going. Son appears, hands over his ears, but still not willing to miss the display of any power tool in use.Daughter also arrives to the scene, "whats going on? I can't do homework with that on."
I'm still curious as to if the old refridgerator will explode .
We all watch as the men dash back outside, Husband asking me to vacuum the floor in the nook. I do so, and before I'm even done, they have another fridge coming in the door. Into the nook it goes. perfect fit!
while they make adjustments, bring the doors in, and collect tools, I realize the front door has been wide open, and there is no sign of our dog. Oh no. Two seconds later my phone rings, the neighbor has him and is walking him home.Thank God. I go get the dog and tie him out back, and return to the tornado area.
Pal calls to his granddaughter, and they disappear almost as quickly as they had arrived.
Husband states it may be a good idea to order a pizza.
I stand ,stunned, looking at my kitchen. a new fridge in the nook (YAAAY) , wood dust coating everything, bottles and jars of warming food stashed in every corner, the old fridge in front of the sink.
Yeah. pizza sounds good.
what the hell just happened here?
The fridge turns out to be something a customer offered. Husband and pal were on the job, and the customer asked if they wanted to buy it ,at an impassible price. Husband jumped all over it, knowing the wife/mother of the house would kill him if he did pass it up.
The big hurry was the result of pal having to pick up his grand daughter at school, to take her home, where her father was waiting to take her to an appointment.
bummer. no explosion.
The pizza eventually arrived while I was vacuuming and hunting down all of the food items son had stashed. it was similar to an egg hunt. Husband kept finding things that I missed. We aren't quite sure we found it all.
The fridge is great, we now have the water service in the door, which thrills my son, who already plans to get all of his own drinks now. It thrills me as well, the old one at times sounded like it would lift off into space , and many of the shelves were a hazard when opening the door.
It is 'resting now, because to get it into the van they had to lay it down. tonight we plug her in, and fill it.
Because we can't use the new one until tonight, the old one is also still in the kitchen, and running, for said food items.Its an interesting scene. The old fridge will have a new nook in the garage, where husband has been desperately trying to grow a 'man cave' .
Amazing how something so seemingly simple can become such a circus isn't it?
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
I love my plumber!
Its True. I do!
My plumber wears his pants on his hips- and does not show his crack. That's rare in itself.
My plumber always answers my calls immediately, and shows up at the door within the hour .
My plumber does not demand that I put my dog outside.
My plumber has never failed me, his work is always complete and thorough.
My plumber does not bill me !
why?? Because I'm married to him.
Ok, I admit, because its his own business, if I have to call him for work at home, I do get something of a bill, for the cost of the parts.
It comes in more handy than you may think.
I will say that the saying is true-people who work in a particulat line of work, will not do said services at home. the chef won't cook his own dinner, the mechanic won't wrench his own car, and yes, the plumber hates doing his own plumbing.
There have been some small jobs left to wait around the house, non- emergency things.
The bathroom fixture had only one knob for a while- that was a pain, but once I became fed up enough with it to actually CALL him and request a new one- it was fixed.
The sink faucet for some reason dripped. ... and dripped ... in the winter we have to leave the sink dripping slowly, to prevent freezing pipes, but when that dripping extends into june, he gets a call.
Those are the fun calls. " hi there, I have a sink that is dripping, my old plumber won't fix it, i need outside help. " sure thing ma'am. be there at 5. And at 5, there he is, with a shiny new fixture no less.
Yesterday I had to make a less- fun call.
I left to pick up the kids from school, and when we returned it sounded like the washer was running.
hmm. thats odd, I finished laundry today.
OH NO!
I can hear water gushing from under the house somewhere. not good at all.
Out the back door, I look at the ground, and there is a small river running out from under my house!
On the phone " hope you're not far, you need to get here NOW, theres a major pipe gusher here."
he tells me to turn off the water valve.
um.
I'm married to the plumber. That doesn't mean I know what or where this stuff is!!
he talks me through it.
"find the little door flap and theres a red handle inside. turn it."
easy enough. find the flap , which is located on the outside wall. look in and see the handle to turn.
this is where my panic attack hit.
I am terrified of spiders and anything remotely related. Therefore the sight of huge webs in the space between the door flap and the handle made me want to run for my life. webs that big only mean big spiders.
As it turns out, the handle is far enough into this area that I have to reach in to at least my elbow.
Husband is on the phone- did you get it? did the water stop? hey? you there?
oh dear God.
I get a stick and knock the webs out, cringing inside and out, anticipating the big hairy ugly arachnid thats bound to come at me..
it didn't. so now i have to reach in there and turn that handle.
somehow I did it with my eyes closed. the water stopped.
I pick up the phone and tell my husband "we need to rig a stick or somethig to that because I am NEVER reaching into that hole again!! what the heck is wrong with you?"
he's laughing like a loon, because I think reaching into that space was bad.
He's laughing because he's had to put his entire body into spaces like that, and worse, with even worse critters than wood spiders.(they aren't poisonous, just BIG) and generally also has to deal with awful stenches and messes in such small spaces.
No thanks hon, you can keep that job all for yourself. I love my plumber because he'll willingly go into dark spider zones.
He fixed the major water leak we had, with a much unwanted declaration that most of our water pipes need to be redone. Being the plumbers wife, and knowing the rule about working at home, this is a scary concept for me. Will he dive into the project all at once, or am I looking at a year's worth of "honey theres a river under the house" calls? only time will tell.
I thought to ask him, but I fear he'll actually hand me the bill.
My plumber wears his pants on his hips- and does not show his crack. That's rare in itself.
My plumber always answers my calls immediately, and shows up at the door within the hour .
My plumber does not demand that I put my dog outside.
My plumber has never failed me, his work is always complete and thorough.
My plumber does not bill me !
why?? Because I'm married to him.
Ok, I admit, because its his own business, if I have to call him for work at home, I do get something of a bill, for the cost of the parts.
It comes in more handy than you may think.
I will say that the saying is true-people who work in a particulat line of work, will not do said services at home. the chef won't cook his own dinner, the mechanic won't wrench his own car, and yes, the plumber hates doing his own plumbing.
There have been some small jobs left to wait around the house, non- emergency things.
The bathroom fixture had only one knob for a while- that was a pain, but once I became fed up enough with it to actually CALL him and request a new one- it was fixed.
The sink faucet for some reason dripped. ... and dripped ... in the winter we have to leave the sink dripping slowly, to prevent freezing pipes, but when that dripping extends into june, he gets a call.
Those are the fun calls. " hi there, I have a sink that is dripping, my old plumber won't fix it, i need outside help. " sure thing ma'am. be there at 5. And at 5, there he is, with a shiny new fixture no less.
Yesterday I had to make a less- fun call.
I left to pick up the kids from school, and when we returned it sounded like the washer was running.
hmm. thats odd, I finished laundry today.
OH NO!
I can hear water gushing from under the house somewhere. not good at all.
Out the back door, I look at the ground, and there is a small river running out from under my house!
On the phone " hope you're not far, you need to get here NOW, theres a major pipe gusher here."
he tells me to turn off the water valve.
um.
I'm married to the plumber. That doesn't mean I know what or where this stuff is!!
he talks me through it.
"find the little door flap and theres a red handle inside. turn it."
easy enough. find the flap , which is located on the outside wall. look in and see the handle to turn.
this is where my panic attack hit.
I am terrified of spiders and anything remotely related. Therefore the sight of huge webs in the space between the door flap and the handle made me want to run for my life. webs that big only mean big spiders.
As it turns out, the handle is far enough into this area that I have to reach in to at least my elbow.
Husband is on the phone- did you get it? did the water stop? hey? you there?
oh dear God.
I get a stick and knock the webs out, cringing inside and out, anticipating the big hairy ugly arachnid thats bound to come at me..
it didn't. so now i have to reach in there and turn that handle.
somehow I did it with my eyes closed. the water stopped.
I pick up the phone and tell my husband "we need to rig a stick or somethig to that because I am NEVER reaching into that hole again!! what the heck is wrong with you?"
he's laughing like a loon, because I think reaching into that space was bad.
He's laughing because he's had to put his entire body into spaces like that, and worse, with even worse critters than wood spiders.(they aren't poisonous, just BIG) and generally also has to deal with awful stenches and messes in such small spaces.
No thanks hon, you can keep that job all for yourself. I love my plumber because he'll willingly go into dark spider zones.
He fixed the major water leak we had, with a much unwanted declaration that most of our water pipes need to be redone. Being the plumbers wife, and knowing the rule about working at home, this is a scary concept for me. Will he dive into the project all at once, or am I looking at a year's worth of "honey theres a river under the house" calls? only time will tell.
I thought to ask him, but I fear he'll actually hand me the bill.
Insomnia
Insomnia :difficulty falling or staying asleep.
Generally the above definition is applied to a person not being able to settle down to go to sleep- by their own reasonings. Be it stress or a medical condition, their insomnia is not forced onto them by others.
I welcome you to the nuthouse. We don't do things by dictionary definitions, we make it up as we go.
I suffer from a type of insomia, which is somewhat unconsiously forced upon me. My Husband snores like a freight train. There are some nights I lay there and laugh, and others that I will admit to wanting to smother him with his pillow. Those who know us personally will back me up on the fact that the man can rattle walls.
I know I'm not the only woman in the world with a snoring spouse. I would like to know if there are any others out there whose spouse seems to conspire in his snoring against your sleep.
After 9 years of marriage, I have decided this is the case with my Husband. Yes, I also realize because he is asleep, and soundly at that, he is not possibly aware of his own conspiracy plans. I will stick to my claim though, because I have discovered a pattern in his sleep and snoring that screams it is doing it just for my benefit. (or could it be the insanity caused by 2 hours of rest a night for 10 years on my part?)
Each night, after the children have gone to bed, Husband and I lounge in ours and watch TV, I'll read or surf the internet, we'll talk for a while, and he'll doze off.
The snore doesn't start immediatly. like I said, it seems aimed at me. When he lays on one side, its a deep breathing,and not vocal at all. If on his back- lookout. When he dozes off he's usually laying on one side, so I don't hear a peep from him...
Until I lay down myself.
Once I am good and comfortable, close my eyes, and start to doze off, he will roll over, onto his back. like clockwork, I tell you.
If I haven't dozed far enough to ignore his movement, I can start "the count".
1...2...3...4....5.(the breath catches a little)..6.....7 aaaand... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!
The count never fails.
Now, if I have dozed off far enough not to count, this bear snarl roaring in my ear all of a sudden makes me jump out of my skin. I'd imagine it would be funny to watch.
A few attemps at getting him to roll back onto his side- sometimes yes, sometimes no, sometimes he just gets a bit angry and refuses to. If he does roll over I have a chance of getting about two hours of sleep. The no-go nights are the ones I just quit and go lay on the couch.
Ah, yes, the couch would seem a good escape .
no. it's really not.
What drives me crazy, is that the motion I make while getting a blanket and pillow stirs him enough to roll over. So he stops the snoring. Why? Because I got up. I used to lay back down and think 'ok he's done then.' but again, and every time, once i'm comfy,a 7 count ,and he starts again. never fails. It goes on for hours.
So now ,once I'm up, I just go to the couch. He stops after I get the couch set up. Great! I can try to get some sleep now. I lay down, turn off the light... nice n cozy ... close my eyes....
and hear him start snoring again. GRRR! Sometimes its as loud as being in the bed. others its just the muffled bass, which is still, like I said, enough to shake the walls.
I swear to you, people, his snore is out to get me.
By this time, I'm awake again. turn on the light, get a book to read, settle in again. snoring stops !
wait for an hour or two, good and tired, hmmm, cozy, dozing.... ZZZZZ
Let me also add, that my daughter snores when her allergies are bad, and her bedroom is off te living room. there are nights I get this torture from BOTH of them. He'll stop, she'll start, and vice vesa. there have been nights I simply sit on the couch and laugh, because their timing is perfectly synchronized every time.
Can't you see it?
I don't sleep much at night. On average I claim about 3 hours tops. The snore circus usually begins around 10:30, and the point I pass out around 3 or 4 am. just in time for the alarm to go off. But, I am a small bit blessed with working from home, and both children in school. I literally have two hours set aside every day for a nap. Its the only way I can survive.
We've tried everything out there- the throat sprays , the nose tapes, and recently a customer gave him a small pouch with a herbal mixture- she swore by it, claimed it cured her husband. oh Gimmie THAT! I had a bit of hope. ..it didn't work. all it did was make the entire house smell like mint. *sigh*.
We do, of course ,find our twisted humor to it.
One night i took a picture of him sleeping ,with my phone, and recorded the God-awful noise he was making. the next morning i combined the two into a text ,with a message of "good morning, sleep well honey?" haha. he said yes.
There are also rare occasions that Husband will fall asleep on the couch.(which we try to avoid because from the couch he's heard in every room) on one particular night, He was on the couch and snoring so horribly loud he woke our daughter.
Daughter came running , PAST her father, to our bedroom, and jumped on the bed as if the house was on fire. "mama!!mama!! theres something growling at me in my room!!!"
She was genuinely scared to death. ok, lets check it out.
we BOTH walk past her father, turn on her light and theres nothing there.
"honey I don't hear it, all I can hear is your father snor..." oh my.
I walked her to the couch ,and asked her if THAT was the growling sound she'd heard. She laughed and said yes, thats it mama. Daddy sounded like a big scary animal.
Although I can say I've found ways to deal with it, and my forced insomnia, it still makes me crazy. the timing of it all is what makes me crazy. I truly feel its somekind of conspiracy.
I am going to beg. just a little.
If anyone out there knows the total cure for snoring, PLEASE, share it. We'll try it, and let you know what happens.
Generally the above definition is applied to a person not being able to settle down to go to sleep- by their own reasonings. Be it stress or a medical condition, their insomnia is not forced onto them by others.
I welcome you to the nuthouse. We don't do things by dictionary definitions, we make it up as we go.
I suffer from a type of insomia, which is somewhat unconsiously forced upon me. My Husband snores like a freight train. There are some nights I lay there and laugh, and others that I will admit to wanting to smother him with his pillow. Those who know us personally will back me up on the fact that the man can rattle walls.
I know I'm not the only woman in the world with a snoring spouse. I would like to know if there are any others out there whose spouse seems to conspire in his snoring against your sleep.
After 9 years of marriage, I have decided this is the case with my Husband. Yes, I also realize because he is asleep, and soundly at that, he is not possibly aware of his own conspiracy plans. I will stick to my claim though, because I have discovered a pattern in his sleep and snoring that screams it is doing it just for my benefit. (or could it be the insanity caused by 2 hours of rest a night for 10 years on my part?)
Each night, after the children have gone to bed, Husband and I lounge in ours and watch TV, I'll read or surf the internet, we'll talk for a while, and he'll doze off.
The snore doesn't start immediatly. like I said, it seems aimed at me. When he lays on one side, its a deep breathing,and not vocal at all. If on his back- lookout. When he dozes off he's usually laying on one side, so I don't hear a peep from him...
Until I lay down myself.
Once I am good and comfortable, close my eyes, and start to doze off, he will roll over, onto his back. like clockwork, I tell you.
If I haven't dozed far enough to ignore his movement, I can start "the count".
1...2...3...4....5.(the breath catches a little)..6.....7 aaaand... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!
The count never fails.
Now, if I have dozed off far enough not to count, this bear snarl roaring in my ear all of a sudden makes me jump out of my skin. I'd imagine it would be funny to watch.
A few attemps at getting him to roll back onto his side- sometimes yes, sometimes no, sometimes he just gets a bit angry and refuses to. If he does roll over I have a chance of getting about two hours of sleep. The no-go nights are the ones I just quit and go lay on the couch.
Ah, yes, the couch would seem a good escape .
no. it's really not.
What drives me crazy, is that the motion I make while getting a blanket and pillow stirs him enough to roll over. So he stops the snoring. Why? Because I got up. I used to lay back down and think 'ok he's done then.' but again, and every time, once i'm comfy,a 7 count ,and he starts again. never fails. It goes on for hours.
So now ,once I'm up, I just go to the couch. He stops after I get the couch set up. Great! I can try to get some sleep now. I lay down, turn off the light... nice n cozy ... close my eyes....
and hear him start snoring again. GRRR! Sometimes its as loud as being in the bed. others its just the muffled bass, which is still, like I said, enough to shake the walls.
I swear to you, people, his snore is out to get me.
By this time, I'm awake again. turn on the light, get a book to read, settle in again. snoring stops !
wait for an hour or two, good and tired, hmmm, cozy, dozing.... ZZZZZ
Let me also add, that my daughter snores when her allergies are bad, and her bedroom is off te living room. there are nights I get this torture from BOTH of them. He'll stop, she'll start, and vice vesa. there have been nights I simply sit on the couch and laugh, because their timing is perfectly synchronized every time.
Can't you see it?
I don't sleep much at night. On average I claim about 3 hours tops. The snore circus usually begins around 10:30, and the point I pass out around 3 or 4 am. just in time for the alarm to go off. But, I am a small bit blessed with working from home, and both children in school. I literally have two hours set aside every day for a nap. Its the only way I can survive.
We've tried everything out there- the throat sprays , the nose tapes, and recently a customer gave him a small pouch with a herbal mixture- she swore by it, claimed it cured her husband. oh Gimmie THAT! I had a bit of hope. ..it didn't work. all it did was make the entire house smell like mint. *sigh*.
We do, of course ,find our twisted humor to it.
One night i took a picture of him sleeping ,with my phone, and recorded the God-awful noise he was making. the next morning i combined the two into a text ,with a message of "good morning, sleep well honey?" haha. he said yes.
There are also rare occasions that Husband will fall asleep on the couch.(which we try to avoid because from the couch he's heard in every room) on one particular night, He was on the couch and snoring so horribly loud he woke our daughter.
Daughter came running , PAST her father, to our bedroom, and jumped on the bed as if the house was on fire. "mama!!mama!! theres something growling at me in my room!!!"
She was genuinely scared to death. ok, lets check it out.
we BOTH walk past her father, turn on her light and theres nothing there.
"honey I don't hear it, all I can hear is your father snor..." oh my.
I walked her to the couch ,and asked her if THAT was the growling sound she'd heard. She laughed and said yes, thats it mama. Daddy sounded like a big scary animal.
Although I can say I've found ways to deal with it, and my forced insomnia, it still makes me crazy. the timing of it all is what makes me crazy. I truly feel its somekind of conspiracy.
I am going to beg. just a little.
If anyone out there knows the total cure for snoring, PLEASE, share it. We'll try it, and let you know what happens.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)