Honesty has its own sense of humor.

When we were kids, one of the biggest things my parents instilled into us was to be honest. This isn't an unusual parenting tactic, it's actually very common. You are more trustworthy, friends tend to turn to you for the best advice, knowing you aren't 'buttering it' just to make them feel better.

I believe in honesty. I teach it to my own children. I practice it every time I open my mouth. There are times when honesty arrives gently, and others when it storms in and punches you in the face. Which is why I say, honesty has a sense of humor.

Honesty is morally good ,right?

Most people will even say it several times over in their life times " I just want you to be honest with me." Admit it- you've done it too.

But when that honest reply is given, those same people decide its not the one they wanted, which turns honesty into a bad thing.

I'm not saying that honesty is bad in general, and everyone should become compulsive liars as of this reading!

I've realized I've had to hand out some doozies in my honesty. When working in child care, and as a consultant, I've had to tell parents there was something developmentally wrong with their child, I've had to tell them that there's something wrong with their parenting. For the sake of the children , it's my job to give this information. It isn't always taken very well. But these are examples of when honesty , delivered as gently as possible, will still punch you in the face, because its not what they wanted to hear.

There's even patterns to legal honesty, and this one just amuses me to no end. Every time I've had to go to court ,(be it for bills or traffic tickets) the pure honesty I speak seems to baffle the Judges I must speak to. Its as if they aren't used to hearing it plan and simply honest. (which I'm sure IS the case, but a sad situation ,at that.

Having studied psychology doesn't make it any easier. If you ask me for an honest answer, not only will I give you just that, but I can explain at least 3 reasons to make it reasonable, along with the effects on anyone involved. When dealing with children and families, those effects go further than you'd think. When dealing with my own friends or family, they expect nothing less from me, yet still react shockingly when they don't like it.

There's also the minority of "neutral" events- the day to day issues that really seem insignificant.
For example , when a friend asks you what you think of their new outfit, the pride and joy of their shopping day... you inwardly vomit with despair, that your friend actually spent money on such an item,let alone that its been mass- produced and sent out into public.... and honestly reply " those colors just don't do it for me. " Ok, fair enough. neutral. personally I don't like your outfit, but you obviously do, so I won't tell you it's awful, just that its awful for me.
Neutrals are more gentle opinion answers.

I've earned a nickname for my ironic honesty. Because I am so straightforward in my honesty, the good intent of it will cause a major problem. I've yet to really understand how it works.

You ask me a question, because you would like my opinion, or my advice.
I answer honestly.
You don't like the answer.
Were you asking me to lie to you?
no.
Am I that badly wrong?
no. (and many will admit they can see how I 'could be' right!)

And from there it becomes a kind of argument. Most likely because the question involved a sensitive subject. They don't like the answers, because at times the answers are hurtful. Plain and simple, honesty can be painful, the truth hurts.
It becomes an argument because admitting a hurtful mistake is one of the largest denials out there. Now, the asker tries to prove the honesty wrong, especially if they know the reply they got was dead-on correct.

I have learned, that there is a very simple reply to the reaction of defensiveness explained above.

If you don't want an honest answer, you should know better than to ask me.

I live in The Nuthouse, and don't have time to make up an answer that fits your motives or agenda.

The human mind is truly a dysfunctional organ.