Oh Giranah. Dog, you sure have timing.

oooh. dog is close to being orphaned.

If you've followed our adventures w Mz.chew-it-all, you know the solution we found was- OUTSIDE.
when no one is home, she goes OUT.

In TN, she had plenty of sticks and toys to crunch on while tied out.

Here in CO, she has a fenced in yard to run around in, she can chase the bunnies that are dumb enough to sneak under the fence (yet fast enough to get out on the other side) and of course, her toys. She also has neighbor dogs to bark at and run along the fenceline with.

So, when I walk the kids to the school bus in the morning, she goes in the yard.
Most days I'll walk her with us.

Yesterday, I did not.

I did not PLAN to anyway.

Why? well, because in anticipation of my dental surgery, I was prescribed valium, to stop the panic attacks Ikept having on tuesday. So I woke up a bit dopey and out of 'norms'.

Now, as we go to the bus stop, we have to walk past the front of the house, which includes a portion of the fenced yard, where Lyla can see us, and jump on the fence and whine and howl her dislike at being left home .

We knew this day would come.

On wednesday, when I planned NOT to take her bc I felt drunk, as we walked by the yard, she jumped it. she jumped the fence. its easily an almost 5 ft fence.

Problem : she jumped it the wrong way, into the neighbors yard, where the two dogs who live there want to eat her. Thank heavens those two were not IN thier yard at this time.

So I tell the kids to go on to the bus so I can get superbunny out of this guys yard.
Which was easy enough. amazingly she actually came to me the first time I called her. With no leash, now the mission is to catch up to the kids.

dog wants to drag me, which is why I planned NOT to take her!

Somehow I made it back to the house after seeing the bus off, and dog went to bed. and stayed there.

Now the catch with this particular dog, is now she's learned a new 'trick'.
she can scale the fence.
which means : she'll jump it to get to us, she'll jump it to get to the rabbits and prarie dogs, and anything else that moves.

This is not good, especially considering I have to leave her for the next 4 1/2 hours to get my teeth pulled.

So I find the old tether line, and attach her to the bottom of the porch stairs. Moved her water bowl and toys. cool. nice n cozy.

When I get home, I discover the dog has EATEN her way up the stairs. she has managed to mark and chew on almost every damn banister slat on the way up. splintered bits of wood are everywhere.

YOU ARE A DEAD DOG WALKING.

(keep in mind this is NOT our house, we are staying with a friend, who does indeed own a VERY nice house, a many many dolla house. )

As long as we were home, dog didn't jump the fence again.

A pal stayed the night to help me out with the kids n chores while I was recovering.
so, today, thursday, we planned to drive the kids to the bus on the way out to my checkup appointment.

obviously tying her to the porch is NOT a repeat option. so MAYBE, becasue we aren't walking, she won't do her new trick again.

As we load the kids into the car, The dog is now barking and whining from the neighbors yard.

I am NOT pleased.

Pal takes kids to bus, while I round up my hopping-giraffe-pirana-dog.

What the hell to do with her NOW?

I tied her up in the basement. I hated it. I took her bed, a bucket of water and her toy, and tied her to one of the supports ( God help me she can't possibly chew thru it !)

When I returned she was there. she had not chewed anything, but had herself wrapped around the pole so many times she could barely move. knucklehead.

So now we're back to, we have to repair the porch she ate, can't leave her inside, can't leave her outside, tying her in the basement is somewhat cruel, and totally defeats the purpose of having a big dog to 'protect' the house.

I'm at the point I want to shishkabob her.

Dental Blue Lipstick.. Part II

for part one click here

As much fun as we had during preparation for "E-Day" (extraction day) wednesday was the day.

I spent most of tuesday in panic , and complete nervous shutdowns. My dear dear dentist sent in an RX for that. mother's lil blue. yes. i felt better, and slept.

Wednesday I arrived, was whisked into a chair, and instantly put into 'relax' mode.
Beside the lil blue pill , I was given 3 more relaxation tablets. ( to CHEW no less. ?!)

I was given "blinder sunglasses" , a headset, and an ipod. (we'll get back to that)

I responded by giving the nurse the tube of blue lipstick for my dear dentist.
The nurse had a good laugh, we speculated if he would REALLY wear it or not.
It was placed on his workstand, just to see what would be.

I was"plugged in" behind the ears by electrical zappers - oooh so cool. I barely felt it, but this adds to the relaxation methods. Queen dental chicken was doin just fine.

The Ipod played calm classical music, and the sunglasses were totally blacked out. ( which was good, I did NOT want to see this at ALL) I could still hear what was going on around me, and answer the dentist, as he asked me a gabillion times how I was doing.

I will say, that having had many teeth extracted before (up to 5 at a time) , in the oddest way, having these 15 removed was almost pleasant.

Especially when it took him almost 45 minutes to get a little bit of root out- it was hiding and twisting away from him, and even as HE got frustrated and began to joke about it, I was cool as ever.

3 hours later, 15 teeth (plus one damn stubborn root) extracted and the bones filed down- my dentures were placed. :D

lookin good mama.

This morning I returned, so the dentist could remove the dentures, check on the sockets and sutures.

He said all was well, everything was coming along nicely. Did a little trimming on the plates, gave me my "how to" lessons.
As we were finishing up I noticed he'd worn his mask almost the entire time. I asked him if he was getting sick, maybe a cold, bc he always takes it off after doing examinations- today he kept it over his mouth.

He pulled the mask down below his chin, and color me silly. .. . .

He was wearing the blue lipstick.

Yep. I still like him.

Mob mentality. please don't do it.

Fall is here! I have a treat for you readers though!

Believe it or not, this is NOT a raking post. Gotta love it.

No ,no, this is a totally new ball game.

This is Colorado Fall.

We made a trip up into the mountain park yesterday to see the aspens colors changing, to maybe spot some elk. It is rutting season after all, and the herds come down to mate and stock up on good grasses before the snows.

Let me give a little more information of rutting season. This mostly involves very big, cranky, and for lack of a better term, horny , males claiming the females for mating. This is primarily done by either keeping what herd- harem they have, or fighting another bull for the herd.
It keeps them quite uptight.

These are also HUGE animals with HUGE antlers, just looking for a reason to impale someone.

Being the peak visiting season, because of the beautiful flaming aspen colors- the tourists come in droves.

Rangers hand out newsletters, which roads are closed, which areas are preserved for the rutting, and for heavens sake do not FEED or APPROACH wildlife. simple enough, right?

Tourists + rutting elk = stupid tourist tricks.

Let's begin our tricks with a good example.

This fine fellow was in this spot most of the day.

He wasn't bothering anyone, just chilling out in the shade, waiting for the herds to move his way.

Beautiful . peaceful, magnificent creature.


When an animal is spotted in this park, you know it. Traffic stops. people pull off the roads as far as they can , and watch said animal. Of course, a handful of people stopped means there's an animal, so everyone else has to stop and see it too!

As you can see, not only do they stop, but the masses MUST get closer.

They take their children, and they wander up the hillside. they leave their barking dogs in the car . (have to give some smart points there, but not much for the sound disturbances)

Never mind the concept of a goring on a gorgeous day.
Something like that could never happen to us.

Also note- several of these people are photographers.

They stroll up the hill with their fancy cameras and stands, and I mean these cameras were made for distance shots- the length of these things are reminiscent of telescopes.

Yet they HAVE to get closer.

I took that picture of the elk above with a $60 kodak easyshare camera. From across the road and down the hill. Are you going to tell me that even one of those multi-thousand dollar camera setups can't ZOOM?

moving on.

What's this?

This is a classic stupid tourist trick.

The main crowd has become too stifling for this fella. So he's taking it upon himself to find a way closer to the elk without the mob around.

He walks to the far end of the area, and up the hill there.

So he can sneak up on the huge elk from another angle.

Not so smart pal. Turned out, when he got up there , there were lady elks present, further back in the brush, also antsy ladies. I should also mention there were trail walkers already up there.

(note: the crowd has grown, and there is more traffic. )

We have a new development. a woman with her kid heads up the side, ( Idiot) and a man in a neon vest goes (seen far left) and brings them ALL back to the road.

He is , apparently a tourist herder.

We dubbed him the "anti-impalement-patrol" .

He was getting his exercise.

We were actually able to follow him, from herd to herd. We watched him got to his truck and figured he was calling for backup. Turned out he left like there was a fire. We figured if they were leaving THIS site unattended, there must be a bigger mob elsewhere, which means a larger herd.

This herd.

Which was making its way toward the previous one.

We didn't even stop the truck to take this picture.

I can't even tell you how many people out there, trying to get closer, but there were at least 4 more anti-impalement-patrol trucks and vested rangers keeping them all back.

I know, getting a bit long, but if you're into stupid people amusements, it gets even better.

I don't have pictures for the next event, because we had stopped to use a bathroom and I hadn't taken the camera.

Husband pointed out a fenced area- also new to us. KEEP OUT. they have fenced it for the security of the animals and the fields- of course to keep the people safe too. hmm.

I realize he's not pointing out the fence. He's pointing out the 5-6 year old girl on the other side of it. She's just walking along like she belongs there. HOW she got in there, I have no clue. most of the fence is dug under.

Husband is furious. Me, I'm just concerned for the girl at this point. We've heard bugling, and aren't sure if its from the herd we just saw, or another one moving down.

Husband says, loudly " WOW! lookit that KID over there on the other side of that fence ! I wonder if she needs help? How did she get there? Should we call a ranger? Who's kid is that?"

The folks at the table nearby don't even turn. We're pretty sure that's who the girl belongs to.

Stunned, Hubby and I watch this girl , no kidding, limbo under the fence. She sat there for a bit and worked the bottom up out of the ground, and slithered under it.

People please. If you're going to let your kids get impaled, at least watch, if you aren't going to go with them.

Ah, but we have the grande finale. At this point even my kids were knocking these knuckleheads. And we couldn't justify telling them not to.

THIS big guy, was scenting the brush along a walk path.

facts:

1) he was marking the bush to attract a female. most likely cranky.

2)He has a broken antler, which we assume could have been lost in a rutting fight. which would also make him cranky.

At the very least, we were right with cranky.

At this point, he turned. One of our tourist families, Mom,Dad, and a child who looked about 2, walked down to the stream behind the elk, and were working their way closer. The elk had turned, and started to stroll toward the family.

Again, Hubs had to loudly comment, and one of the Anti- impalement patrol went to the rescue.

This is just the beginning of this crowd.

This area also had something of a side road, which was packed with cars and people trying to get around the rest of the crowd.

THIS guy, was my favorite of the day.

On the far right, is this huge elk.

Roughly center-pic, is my favorite moron of the day.

He walked right up the path, in a hurry, as if the elk was his runaway dog.

My kids had a say this time, and they wouldn't know how to speak quietly if they tried.

"WOW IS THAT GUY STUPID !! "

The man turns around, sees the truck, then continues! So husband says in his classic stupid tourist loud voice " That's really not too smart! "

Children respond with, " Daddy will we see him get gored? "

Man look again and walks on some more. He actually made it very close before the anti impalement vest got to him.

Please note again: I was quite far from these critters, and got some amazing pictures. From my vehicle. On the road.

I'll save the stupid rock tourists for next time. . . I didn't take pictures of them this round, but I'm positive there will always be some out there.

The Nuthouse residents love our nature trips, we love that we can live so near such peaceful beauty, but something about ending a family trip to see fall leaves turning into an elk impalement video on youtube or truTv is NOT our idea of fun.