My yearly battle

Fall is my favorite time of year. I love the cool crisp air, the birds at the feeders,or migrating overhead, to watch the leaf colors change, to watch the leaves flutter to the ground as if raining color ,and the way the breeze pushes the grounded leaves across the yard or roads...
Its like a free all you can eat buffet for my eyes.

Having lived here 6 years now, On a large property, full of trees ,my eyes feast on the leaf festival.

They feast on the beauty of fall, of watching the leaves dance and flow in all their colors.

Yet, there is also an awful inward cringe, most comparable to a grand mal epileptic seizure.

Why , you ask, would I possibly cringe so horribly at one of my favorite spectacles of nature?

Because, living on a large wooded property, with many many trees, there is an enormous, never ending battle of keeping the leaves under control!

Those who know me well will say I am silly, and somewhat obsessive compulsive about the leaves here. I will not argue that fact. I am. and its atrocious. There IS reasoning behind the obsession though.

** when we go outside, leaves on the walkway and patio tend to get as slick as ice at times.

**the leaves also cluster dangerously near our fire pit.

** when the children go to their playground they are wading through leaves , mid calf, to get to toys they have to literally dig out.

**The leaves pile up against the house, which is heaven for one of my other compulsive behaviors- spiders. said spiders find cozy homes in the leaves against the house, but when it gets too cold, they migrate- into the house.

**I have a cat- an indoor/outdoor cat. This is very convenient, as I have no need for nasty litter boxes. He uses the leaves. This is not the only issue the cat brings to the leaf madness. When its nice and cool out, the cat is a very skilled hunter. he catches a variety of critters, mice, squirrels, small birds. He has his way with them, and stashes them- in the leaves. both of these factors are a true horror when my kids decide they want to play in the leaves.

**we have water drainage routes that get horrible clogged with leaves that get washed into them- when these water routes get too full and it rains really hard, we have a major problem.

So, yes. I have developed a habit as strong as smoking- to rake leaves.
What makes people believe I am insane, we have five acres of treed property.
That is ALOT of leaves people!

In a single day, enough leaves fall to completely cover the playground, and the walkways.
I go out and rake these areas- which, mind you, are large enough to take up to three hours.

within roughly 3 hours of completing the task- these areas are totally covered again.
the next day, i do it again.

on weekends, you may find a crazy sight of a petite woman, 5 feet roughly 110lbs, hunched under the massive weight of a 60 lb leaf blower. Lugging it up and down the slopes of the yard, pushing piles of leaves half as tall as she is, into a ditch area, where the leaves are piled as tall as she is.

Madness ,I tell you.

The fun about the leaf blower- besides the fact it weighs about half what I do, its tortuously loud, yet blows at a rate hard enough to knock a person over- is that because it is so heavy for me, I cannot put it on myself while it is running. and of course, there is no way to start it while on my back. So the blower is reserved for weekends, when there is another adult available , not only to start it up and put it on me, but also to help me get up should I slip on one of the hills . It's a rare event, that I fall, but I've been told I could win the jackpot on America's Funniest Videos, because I have the likeness of a turtle stuck on its back. Very cute.

For that reason, I am usually restricted to use the old fashioned way. The ol trusty rake.
I have become a true Pro at choosing the perfect rakes.
And I have also become a master at wearing the highest "guaranteed-not-to-break" rakes down to the point they break. (I sadly even have a 'rake fund' set aide for the replacement rakes to be bought each year)
We always have a collection of rakes. There are at least 5 available at any time.

Some weekends it is so beautiful out, I'll use the rake just for the exercise.As people come to visit, I get helpers. This is an odd scene as well. Friends will come to visit, most Husbands work pals, and will see me out there raking like a lunatic.
"how hard can it be- she's got alot of work to do... I can knock that area out for her in no time."
Lessons learned very quickly- its NOT as easy as it looks to rake a layer of leaves as high as your knees. It takes much longer than you'd think, and puts a hell of a strain on the body.
Yet these guys try.
I have out-raked groups of muscular, fully grown men in the matter of an hour. And they do NOT get away with this easily.
I get the fun of taunting them.
"are you serious? I'm half your size, a quarter of your weight, and I've been out here all day! you're going to let a cheezy half hour beat you? you WIMP!"
which is usually met with, "yes, I'm a wimp" and a search for Husband with a cold beer.

My children have mini-rakes.
They also take great pride in being able to rake with Mommy.
I don't expect them to last long, as even the mini rake is almost twice the size of my son, but, to be honest, there are some days they last longer than some of the grown men.

a battle it is, yet still amusing.


**note- there will be pictures added to many of these posts soon, I hope to show the true dept of the humor in the insanity I share here..... keep checking back!

my lil tree hugger

I have always taught my children to respect nature, that nature is as living as we are. We have lived in Colorado, where my daughter absorbed the beauty of her birthplace, and now in Tennessee, we live in a wooded area.

Our county has some beautiful trees, they line the roads, the yards. they are super tall and when they change colors in the fall it is truly a painting to see.

Recently our county has begun a road project. A huge project. They will be widening a road that badly needs it. I agree that this project needs to be done, as this road is the only access between my home and town. Its a royal pain.

We started seeing signs of this work, which was an enormous hole cut into a wooded area, which allowed us to see straight through to a road about 3 miles off. wow.
my daughter ,at the time expressed a bit of dismay about all the trees being cut down. I explained to her why it was being done. " But there are SO many trees gone mama!"

yes honey, it sure is a mess right now isn't it.

Yesterday we went to the store, and because we were meeting a friend there, had a short wait. Behind us we watched as a huge chipper pushed trees in one end and out the other end came wood dust. I was fascinated by this huge piece of machinery, much as my son would have been. My daughter was beside me, very quiet, watching as well.

After about two trees had gone through this machine, the huge pile of wood dust as high as the nearby houses, the breeze gently blowing the top across the road- I realize my daughter is quietly sobbing.

"honey whats wrong? why are you crying?"

"because they are killing all those beautiful trees mama! I liked it better with the trees! this is just UGLY!"

Well. she had a point. I, myself have noticed the big gaps, the huge hole, the lushness of these areas being shredded and thinned out.Yet, I also realize that this road project will be a great improvement when finished.(not to mention how much easier my own travels back and forth several times a day will be!)

Her reaction had me desperately searching for an answer to make her feel better.

I explained to her that more trees would grow along the new road, just like they had along the present road. Yes, it may take a while, but things here tend to grow quickly.

Still upset, her next comment reminded me they are studying plant life in her class.

"but mama! we need the trees to make AIR for US! if they cut down all these trees we'll have less AIR!!!"

um. uuuhh... um...

Yes hon, um.. the trees do make our air- but there are still alot of trees left, and more start growing every day! We've cut down trees in our own yard and you haven't been this upset.

"we never cut down so MANY"

oooh yea. another good point.

ok, I'll make you a deal hon, because I can see this is really upsetting you. this spring, when it warms up again, you and I will go to the nurseries and buy a few trees to plant in the yard.

this made her feel much better.

Of course though, I discovered my own 'cons' of the tree shredding, in the same hour.

As we left the store, an enormous, fresh, pine tree was being shoved into the giant tree shredder.
I watched in horror as the dust came out the other side, and gently blew across the road we were about to pass by on.
The horror was due to the fact I am allergic to pine. Even as I realized this was a pine tree, the smell hit me, and my eyes went puffy, my throat got itchy and decidedly smaller-

And my daughter , in the backseat, of course noticed.

"see mama, its bad. you can't breathe already."

Well, it really wasn't funny at the time....

But in telling, some light and laughs show through.

A friend of mine has some health problems, I'll call her 'Jane'. She has no local family, or really anyone else worth mentioning to help her out. Being one of big heart, I help. I take her to pay bills, the grocery store, doctors appointments, and around once every 2 months we make a frantic run for the ER.

Recently I received one of these frantic calls, at not such a good time for me. My children were finishing dinner, I was preparing their baths, and Husband and a friend he works with from time to time , (we'll call him 'John') were outside talking biz.

As soon as the phone rang- all hell broke loose. The kids started arguing , which resulted in their dismissal from the table- while I hear Jane ask me if she should go to ER. I don't know- its YOUR body, why are you asking me? let me see if I can manage the house to be able to leave, I'll call you right back.

I talk to Husband- can you get the kids to bed, Jane needs the ER.
Now Husband and John are upset- why doesn't she call an ambulance, why is this your problem, and so on and on ..... and on and on. it was like listening to the kids fuss.
I explain to them both, she's my friend, she's terrified of the hospital, and she calls me, because I'm the only one she knows she can truly depend on. They only added to my frustrations.

So I go back into the house, give the children their instructions- get your jammies on, and go to bed- I say goodnight, because I have no idea how long I'll be. Son begins to fuss with 'what jammies', so i rush back to get his jammies, and help him into them. Daughter can't find hers, so I rush to the other end of the house and do it again. well, we're this close, so I put them to bed, a bit more hurried than usual.

grab my bag and phone, out the door- past Husband and John, who are still firing a dozen questions each at me, at the same time. I get into my truck and tell them both "ENOUGH!" just as I would the children- and funny enough, the response was much the same. Both mouths fell open, eyes wide.
"you're really NOT helping me here guys."

I start the truck, and gas it in reverse- CRASH!
WHAT???
oooh no.
John had parked his work van behind my truck in the driveway- so when I backed up, I hit his front end. hard. Husband runs over, tells me, its ok hon- just the light. go on.
whew!
I put the truck in drive, gas again, and realize I'm not going anywhere- because I am somehow attached to Johns van. Husband says its ok- gas it ,go on...
so I did. I felt my truck pull his van a few inches before it let go.

Anyone who has ever had an accident can relate to the adrenaline that comes with it. pile this on top of the frustration of having to leave my family in the late evening, and the worry for Jane- I am officially a wreck.

I pick up Jane- who informs me at this time "maybe I should have let home health in today" .
I won't repeat the thoughts that ran through my head, but what came from my mouth wasn't much better. In short I told her if I found out she'd done that again, she was all on her own. What a stupid thing to do, and now I have to pay for it?

We get to the hospital. the parking lot is jam packed, odd for 8pm on a Monday, but it doesn't really sink in yet. I drop her off at the door, and go hunt for a spot.

The parking issue sunk in REALLY fast once the automatic door slid open for me.
The ER waiting lobby was full. there were at least 15 people in there, and they all had masks on.
Oh no... NO no no no!
This is when I am also rudely reminded our area has a widespread epidemic of the H1N1 flu. I have just walked into the breeding grounds.
I have two children at home, a husband that works in people's homes, daily, I myself work with children.... THIS is NOT where I want to be.

We find seats, and wait.
and wait.
and wait.
It's at least an hour and half before they call her to the registry to check her vitals and get her information.
then we wait some more.
Horrified, I watch as more people come in, and are presented with masks. Very few are seen exiting.Many of the mask wearers are children.

A bit of a side note here:
Since my entry to the ER waiting lobby, I adapted the fastest possible OCD methods. I became an instant germaphobe.If you've ever seen the show "monk"- that was me. I stood in a corner, hands tucked into my pockets, refusing to touch anything, and reminding myself to breathe. when I sat down, I refused to touch the chair arms, or sit near anyone. Jane, on the other hand, seemed ever so social, chatting with everyone, watching the tv for football scores... Which added to my frustration. funny how once I had rearranged my whole world to get her there, she seemed ok, while I stayed terrified of bringing a horribly contagious virus home to my family. The hospital has bottles of foam hand wash attached to the walls about every 6 feet. I swear I used every one of them at least twice- up to my elbows. I deeply considered asking the registry nurse for a mask, but they would have made ME register.

We continued to wait for 3 hours, just in the lobby. During this time, Husband is getting more and more upset at the time this is taking me away from home- and is sending me phone pictures of Johns van. The pictures were somewhat hazy, being that it was dark out. It looked like slight damage to the bumper and the headlight was broken. whew. Not great, but a bit better than I had thought.But, husband is perturbed enough to call Jane's phone, and let her hear about the effects of this mess. Not helping really.

While waiting ,a couple I know comes in, is given a mask, and sits to begin their own lifetime wait. We say hi, swap "why are you here's" and hope to be called soon. This couple is much like my husband and I- they find a way to laugh and enjoy an otherwise ugly situation.

Finally Jane is called, and led to an exam room. She gets up on the gurney and gets cozy. it is 11 pm. I am again faced with OCD tendencies of a new space. I am also considering going home, because with the complaints she had when she called me (chest pains, high BP, dizzy) she'll most likely be admitted. But I happen to live under "Murphy's" curse- If i leave, she'll be released as soon as I get back home. So I stay. I watch in frustration as she alternates napping and texting football scores.
about an hour after we get to the exam room, the couple I know is led to the room across from us. They are also frustrated with the wait now.
After a bit, I hear music. (???) that's odd. Then I realize the guy across the hall is trying all he can think of to get someone to enter that room. He's blasting every kind of music he can find from his phone. I knock on their door and ask if he's taking requests.

we both look up and down the hallway and there is NO sign of any nurses or doctors. if I hadn't known better, I'd have thought the place was closed.
He starts another song- now in the hallway, and I dance a bit. doesn't matter. no one comes. no one even walks by anywhere within our sight. We joke about calling 911. yes, from inside the ER. We also wonder very loudly if we should start betting on whether we'll get home in time to get our kids to school. We also consider starting a mini conga line ,for an excuse to go past the nurses station- just to see if anyone is there- at all.

finally around 12:30AM- a nurse comes and takes Jane's BP and vitals. The doctor arrives not long after, and it takes him all of ten minutes to tell her she's fine, gives her some pain meds, and sends her home.
they never listened to her chest, took a full history- it was appalling. (I do believe I have stated before in this blog that this hospital is where you go with a death wish- this woman walked in with every symptom of heart failure- waited 5 hours to be seen and then was released without a full exam!)

I arrive home at 1:30 am. furious.
Took me until around 2:30 to doze, and at 3, my daughter came up, with a bad dream. by the time I got her back to bed, it was an hour before my alarm would go off. why bother.

The fury didn't fade out like I had hoped. I took my kids to school, ran errands- dealt with a dozen calls from Jane- of course after SHE'D gotten about 6 hours of sleep. she tells me "wow you sound tired, go take a nap or something"
I somewhat lost what little patience I had. I reminded her I did not have her luxury of being able to sleep all day,I have the kids to take care of, their homework to help with, dinner to make and paperwork for two businesses to catch up with, lets not forget the day to day housework. NAP?! when the heck am I supposed to do that?
"well you need it"
yes, i DO- but the world doesn't stop because I'm tired- it still needs to be done, why do you think I was so darn MAD last night?? I also have to deal with the insurance companies for the damages I did to Johns van!
"I'll pay for that" (to which I went on another tirade. there's no way she can pay this- it was an empty thing to say)

She returned to her nap for the rest of the day. I returned to running through my Tuesday like a zombie , depending heavily on coffee after coffee ,that had so little impact I thought someone had replaced it with sedative water.

When I was finally able to lay down Tuesday night, my phone notified me that I had a new text. It read " I called an ambulance, will b here soon"
I didn't reply, but then couldn't fall asleep for fear she would call me to pick her up at 4 am.she didn't and had taken a cab.
apparently a lesson was learned.

As far as Johns van- Our insurance will cover the repairs. Through the week, I got tidbits each day of the true damages done. It started as 'just the light'.
Progression included the grill, (which is what i was attached to) the hood, and the drivers front panel, which was pushed into the driver's door. When John tried to leave Monday night, he could barely get the door open enough to get in. I received that little tidbit on Thursday.

He has not parked his van anywhere near my truck since (and my truck had practially nothing to show for this little fiasco)

As far as my "insta-OCD" : well, my immune system fights a bit differently with some bugs. Working in childcare for as long as I did made that a survival need. Tuesday and Wednesday I ran a very low grade fever. barely noticeable, but enough. I stayed home, tried to keep my OCD so my family wouldn't catch it. It was so mild , I didn't think much of it.
Thursday night my son complained of a headache, and had a fever of 102.4. Friday the doctor confirmed he had H1N1. My OCD tendencies did very little after all. All weekend nursing the pitiful little thing, and finally the fever broke. Thought we were done, but as of this entry, my daughter has a fever, and is home from school for the second day, my husband is not feeling quite right and avoiding contact with anyone, much like I had. I may not have caught this bug as I had feared, but may have carried it home to my kids after all. (there is also the factor that both kids are in school- so we really don't know)

Jane? well. Jane seems to be feeling just fine now, I have my own suspicions as to this issue, but will not go into them here. I will continue to help her with errands, and grocery trips, but have made it very clear that I am formally DONE with any dealings of her health. If she needs an ER she can call 911. If she has a doctor appointment , we have local transports that can be arranged.
She seems to understand I am very much upset with what happened, and has been on eggshells since.

The asylum was truly rocking, and somehow, I managed to keep up with it, and stay amused with it.