Well, it really wasn't funny at the time....

But in telling, some light and laughs show through.

A friend of mine has some health problems, I'll call her 'Jane'. She has no local family, or really anyone else worth mentioning to help her out. Being one of big heart, I help. I take her to pay bills, the grocery store, doctors appointments, and around once every 2 months we make a frantic run for the ER.

Recently I received one of these frantic calls, at not such a good time for me. My children were finishing dinner, I was preparing their baths, and Husband and a friend he works with from time to time , (we'll call him 'John') were outside talking biz.

As soon as the phone rang- all hell broke loose. The kids started arguing , which resulted in their dismissal from the table- while I hear Jane ask me if she should go to ER. I don't know- its YOUR body, why are you asking me? let me see if I can manage the house to be able to leave, I'll call you right back.

I talk to Husband- can you get the kids to bed, Jane needs the ER.
Now Husband and John are upset- why doesn't she call an ambulance, why is this your problem, and so on and on ..... and on and on. it was like listening to the kids fuss.
I explain to them both, she's my friend, she's terrified of the hospital, and she calls me, because I'm the only one she knows she can truly depend on. They only added to my frustrations.

So I go back into the house, give the children their instructions- get your jammies on, and go to bed- I say goodnight, because I have no idea how long I'll be. Son begins to fuss with 'what jammies', so i rush back to get his jammies, and help him into them. Daughter can't find hers, so I rush to the other end of the house and do it again. well, we're this close, so I put them to bed, a bit more hurried than usual.

grab my bag and phone, out the door- past Husband and John, who are still firing a dozen questions each at me, at the same time. I get into my truck and tell them both "ENOUGH!" just as I would the children- and funny enough, the response was much the same. Both mouths fell open, eyes wide.
"you're really NOT helping me here guys."

I start the truck, and gas it in reverse- CRASH!
WHAT???
oooh no.
John had parked his work van behind my truck in the driveway- so when I backed up, I hit his front end. hard. Husband runs over, tells me, its ok hon- just the light. go on.
whew!
I put the truck in drive, gas again, and realize I'm not going anywhere- because I am somehow attached to Johns van. Husband says its ok- gas it ,go on...
so I did. I felt my truck pull his van a few inches before it let go.

Anyone who has ever had an accident can relate to the adrenaline that comes with it. pile this on top of the frustration of having to leave my family in the late evening, and the worry for Jane- I am officially a wreck.

I pick up Jane- who informs me at this time "maybe I should have let home health in today" .
I won't repeat the thoughts that ran through my head, but what came from my mouth wasn't much better. In short I told her if I found out she'd done that again, she was all on her own. What a stupid thing to do, and now I have to pay for it?

We get to the hospital. the parking lot is jam packed, odd for 8pm on a Monday, but it doesn't really sink in yet. I drop her off at the door, and go hunt for a spot.

The parking issue sunk in REALLY fast once the automatic door slid open for me.
The ER waiting lobby was full. there were at least 15 people in there, and they all had masks on.
Oh no... NO no no no!
This is when I am also rudely reminded our area has a widespread epidemic of the H1N1 flu. I have just walked into the breeding grounds.
I have two children at home, a husband that works in people's homes, daily, I myself work with children.... THIS is NOT where I want to be.

We find seats, and wait.
and wait.
and wait.
It's at least an hour and half before they call her to the registry to check her vitals and get her information.
then we wait some more.
Horrified, I watch as more people come in, and are presented with masks. Very few are seen exiting.Many of the mask wearers are children.

A bit of a side note here:
Since my entry to the ER waiting lobby, I adapted the fastest possible OCD methods. I became an instant germaphobe.If you've ever seen the show "monk"- that was me. I stood in a corner, hands tucked into my pockets, refusing to touch anything, and reminding myself to breathe. when I sat down, I refused to touch the chair arms, or sit near anyone. Jane, on the other hand, seemed ever so social, chatting with everyone, watching the tv for football scores... Which added to my frustration. funny how once I had rearranged my whole world to get her there, she seemed ok, while I stayed terrified of bringing a horribly contagious virus home to my family. The hospital has bottles of foam hand wash attached to the walls about every 6 feet. I swear I used every one of them at least twice- up to my elbows. I deeply considered asking the registry nurse for a mask, but they would have made ME register.

We continued to wait for 3 hours, just in the lobby. During this time, Husband is getting more and more upset at the time this is taking me away from home- and is sending me phone pictures of Johns van. The pictures were somewhat hazy, being that it was dark out. It looked like slight damage to the bumper and the headlight was broken. whew. Not great, but a bit better than I had thought.But, husband is perturbed enough to call Jane's phone, and let her hear about the effects of this mess. Not helping really.

While waiting ,a couple I know comes in, is given a mask, and sits to begin their own lifetime wait. We say hi, swap "why are you here's" and hope to be called soon. This couple is much like my husband and I- they find a way to laugh and enjoy an otherwise ugly situation.

Finally Jane is called, and led to an exam room. She gets up on the gurney and gets cozy. it is 11 pm. I am again faced with OCD tendencies of a new space. I am also considering going home, because with the complaints she had when she called me (chest pains, high BP, dizzy) she'll most likely be admitted. But I happen to live under "Murphy's" curse- If i leave, she'll be released as soon as I get back home. So I stay. I watch in frustration as she alternates napping and texting football scores.
about an hour after we get to the exam room, the couple I know is led to the room across from us. They are also frustrated with the wait now.
After a bit, I hear music. (???) that's odd. Then I realize the guy across the hall is trying all he can think of to get someone to enter that room. He's blasting every kind of music he can find from his phone. I knock on their door and ask if he's taking requests.

we both look up and down the hallway and there is NO sign of any nurses or doctors. if I hadn't known better, I'd have thought the place was closed.
He starts another song- now in the hallway, and I dance a bit. doesn't matter. no one comes. no one even walks by anywhere within our sight. We joke about calling 911. yes, from inside the ER. We also wonder very loudly if we should start betting on whether we'll get home in time to get our kids to school. We also consider starting a mini conga line ,for an excuse to go past the nurses station- just to see if anyone is there- at all.

finally around 12:30AM- a nurse comes and takes Jane's BP and vitals. The doctor arrives not long after, and it takes him all of ten minutes to tell her she's fine, gives her some pain meds, and sends her home.
they never listened to her chest, took a full history- it was appalling. (I do believe I have stated before in this blog that this hospital is where you go with a death wish- this woman walked in with every symptom of heart failure- waited 5 hours to be seen and then was released without a full exam!)

I arrive home at 1:30 am. furious.
Took me until around 2:30 to doze, and at 3, my daughter came up, with a bad dream. by the time I got her back to bed, it was an hour before my alarm would go off. why bother.

The fury didn't fade out like I had hoped. I took my kids to school, ran errands- dealt with a dozen calls from Jane- of course after SHE'D gotten about 6 hours of sleep. she tells me "wow you sound tired, go take a nap or something"
I somewhat lost what little patience I had. I reminded her I did not have her luxury of being able to sleep all day,I have the kids to take care of, their homework to help with, dinner to make and paperwork for two businesses to catch up with, lets not forget the day to day housework. NAP?! when the heck am I supposed to do that?
"well you need it"
yes, i DO- but the world doesn't stop because I'm tired- it still needs to be done, why do you think I was so darn MAD last night?? I also have to deal with the insurance companies for the damages I did to Johns van!
"I'll pay for that" (to which I went on another tirade. there's no way she can pay this- it was an empty thing to say)

She returned to her nap for the rest of the day. I returned to running through my Tuesday like a zombie , depending heavily on coffee after coffee ,that had so little impact I thought someone had replaced it with sedative water.

When I was finally able to lay down Tuesday night, my phone notified me that I had a new text. It read " I called an ambulance, will b here soon"
I didn't reply, but then couldn't fall asleep for fear she would call me to pick her up at 4 am.she didn't and had taken a cab.
apparently a lesson was learned.

As far as Johns van- Our insurance will cover the repairs. Through the week, I got tidbits each day of the true damages done. It started as 'just the light'.
Progression included the grill, (which is what i was attached to) the hood, and the drivers front panel, which was pushed into the driver's door. When John tried to leave Monday night, he could barely get the door open enough to get in. I received that little tidbit on Thursday.

He has not parked his van anywhere near my truck since (and my truck had practially nothing to show for this little fiasco)

As far as my "insta-OCD" : well, my immune system fights a bit differently with some bugs. Working in childcare for as long as I did made that a survival need. Tuesday and Wednesday I ran a very low grade fever. barely noticeable, but enough. I stayed home, tried to keep my OCD so my family wouldn't catch it. It was so mild , I didn't think much of it.
Thursday night my son complained of a headache, and had a fever of 102.4. Friday the doctor confirmed he had H1N1. My OCD tendencies did very little after all. All weekend nursing the pitiful little thing, and finally the fever broke. Thought we were done, but as of this entry, my daughter has a fever, and is home from school for the second day, my husband is not feeling quite right and avoiding contact with anyone, much like I had. I may not have caught this bug as I had feared, but may have carried it home to my kids after all. (there is also the factor that both kids are in school- so we really don't know)

Jane? well. Jane seems to be feeling just fine now, I have my own suspicions as to this issue, but will not go into them here. I will continue to help her with errands, and grocery trips, but have made it very clear that I am formally DONE with any dealings of her health. If she needs an ER she can call 911. If she has a doctor appointment , we have local transports that can be arranged.
She seems to understand I am very much upset with what happened, and has been on eggshells since.

The asylum was truly rocking, and somehow, I managed to keep up with it, and stay amused with it.