what fun is being openly crazy if you don't drag others in?
we do have our public moments.
Because kids are kids, they always ask, "can i have ..." and "will you buy me that?"
they ALL do it. and of course we all know about the tantrums that follow when the answer is no.
my husband and I have 'cured' our children of this childhood disease.
when we go on day-long shopping trips, be it to the food stores or for clothing, or even just to wander aimlessly in the mall, just to be out of the house, we turn the tables.
WE ask the kids "buy me that?" and they will give us the 'are you mad?" look.
we ask again "buy me SOMETHING!!!"
mama i don't have money to buy you something.
"GET ME THAAAAT"
moo-oom, stop it.
"noo! you said you'd buy me SOMETHING!!"
um.... no?
and we will proceed to throw our tantrums.
"you NEVER buy me stuff, I always have to pay for your stuff, how come YOU never buy ME something huh?! " whaaaaaaaaaa!!!!
one or the other of them will eventually say something to make us stop. funnily enough, its usually something WE say to make THEM stop.
"maybe for your birthday"
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the food store can be just as much fun.
we humiliate each other.
hubby has an awful habit of buying HUGE packages of meat- ALL meats.
he is truly a meat junkie.
i will warn him, as i do the children ,before we go into the store-
our budget is only so big, we are NOT getting only meat!
he usually wanders off, pouting, with children in tow, to allow me to do normal shopping.
occassionally when i finish and ready to go to checkout, i'll go find him.
at the meat counters.
with a cart.
overfilled with only bulk packages of meat!
when i tell him "put that BACK! you lunatic! "
he throws his "buy me this" tantrum as I put it all back.
the children of course, find this hysterical.
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When out and about with only one child (which is rare for me)
we will walk holding hands.
at the food store or even the school, i will shake my arm,
trying to get my hand free of the child,
and say loudly
"hey kid! let go of me! where's your mama? hey! is this yours? did you loose this?"
the child clings for dear life, and tells me, moo-oom, i'm YOURS!
the looks we get are humorously priceless, but in a scary way,
i'm waiting for someone to actually try to claim the child.
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and my husband, has "the gimp"
this is not his attack on anyone disabled in any way-
other than myself.
anyone who knows me, knows i have leg problems, which cause me a decent amount of pain. I tend to walk slowly and pace myself if we are on a full day adventure. which leaves me in the rear of our little group, and as the day goes on, the limp becomes more obvious.
"the gimp" appears everywhere. it doesn't have to be a full day event.
anywhere across a parking lot, the fleamarket, the food store, and, much to my horror, occasionally when out for dinner.
"the gimp" is something of an Igor imitation.
he will drag one leg, and hop on the other, hunch his back up, and call for me.
"maaaaaaamaaaaa! don' leeeeave meeeee! waaait for meeeee! you always leeave meee!"
again, my kids find this so funny THEY began doing it at one point.
which was when he stopped for a while.
(God forbid they display this at school or something. i dread having to explain this)
at this point in time, "the gimp" is reserved for the rare dates we go off on our own,
and he'll use it when i'm showing my limp a bit.
(he walks fast, so his story is that if he uses "the gimp" he can go MY speed.)
yeah. he's mine. i love him.
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aaand back to the food store..(probably because this is where we go most often?)
this is one i reserve for visitors. (or when we visit others)
i get in front of the person i'm with, and walk ever so casually,
browsing and looking.
when i come across something that won't break-
say for instance, a box of stuffing-
i will knock several off the shelf.
by the time the boxes hit the floor, the person i'm with is usually next to said items.
i'll ask them loudly (haha of course)
"WHAT did you DO? LOOK at that mess! you aren't going to LEAVE it are you?!"
nine out of ten times, said person will actually pick the items up, and make some kind of apology to fellow shoppers. "wow i'm a clutz today"
a neighbor of mine is particularly fun with this little gag- she uses one of the "scooters" for handicapped folks. there are days though, that i have nothing to do with what comes off the shelves. more often than not, i do.
in front of her, i will knock things off the shelves at the scooters basket height-
then turn around as she gets to them and say "jeez, can't you control that thing?"
and she too, will pick up the items! (she can walk, just not for very long, hence the scooter)
if i do this to her too often -
(i usually take her to the store with me because she doesn't drive)
she will resort to pushing a cart for a few weeks.
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My darling daughter took up mewling like a kitten
at a time when we had an overabundance of them.(thats another entry!)
it would freak me out so badly, as i'd think it was actually one of the kittens , possibly stuck somewhere.
she mastered this sound to an amazing degree.
after the swarm of kittens had gone from our asylum,
she continued the sound.
not so terrible now, because i know there are no kittens stuck behind the dryer.
BUT, when we are sitting in a resturant, enjoying our meal,
hubby and i chatting, the kids eating and behaving-
there's a kitten sound.
she usually waits for the waitress to ask if "everything's ok?"
so of course the waitress hears it too.
we've been told several times that pets, even tiny kittens, are not allowed in the resurant, and we'll have to take it out immediatly.
it takes a bit of blushing and explaining before we have to get daughter to obviously make the sound again, so we can finish our meals and not be banned from the establishment.
yea. apparently we're training them right.
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there are more tales of crazy, i assure you, and i will share them as time goes by.
these are just the beginning.
a taste of what you're getting into by entering our nut house.
by all means, if you have your own crazy tales of dragging others into your silly bubble,
leave a comment, share it with us!
(after all, its no fun being the only crazies!)
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